Jack and Alice Haynes the people I live with had two children, John and Meg. They were all close but Jack was a little closer to Meg and Alice was closer to John.
About 3 years ago John died of cancer. He was just the opposite of me. He was short, slender built, with a great mind and one of the kindest people I ever met. I was several years younger than John, but when he would go out with his friends he always would try to include me. He gave away practically every penny he had and always helped people.
Everyone took his death at 35 hard, but especially Alice. To this day she would rather not drive by the hospital where he died. But she knows she must go on, and so she smiles, and laughs and is loved by all.
Alice has had 4 deaths in her immediate family over the last few years. I do not know much about catholic practices but at each funeral a large cross with Jesus on it is placed on the casket. After the burial the cross is given to a family member; in all four of these cases Alice got the cross. She kept them in a box in a closet. After all what should you do with them; even Alice ( a life long Catholic) was not sure. It might seem a bit too much to place them on the walls.
Last week Jack and Alice saw the box at the back of the closet. Jack told me she asked "What should I do with these?" Jack said "Why don't you put John's cross at the head of Frank's bed." Alice at first said no. She doesn't want to think she did anything to make me a catholic. But John had a small cross in his room when he lived at home. Jack asked me if the cross with Jesus on it could be put at the head of my bed. I was pleased and immediately said "Yes."
That night when I went to bed I looked at the cross. It took a minute to get use to it because as a Baptist I had seen many crosses but none with Jesus on them. But after a minute or two I felt good. I have always wanted to be the son of Jack and Alice so I was pleased.
The next morning when Alice woke me by pulling my foot, as she and Jack do every day, I was still half asleep. I was sure I heard Alice say "John, it is time to get up." A little chill went down my back. I was lying on my stomach with my bare feet hanging off the end of the bed. I had thrown off my sheet and bed blanket.
Could Alice looking at that guy in the bed, who could not begin to fill John's shoes, think for a moment she had John back? Just a tiny moment. My feet are very large and Alice's hand can not reach around the arch of my foot. And my neck, through "pumping iron," was strong and big so I could run over people in football, or because I thought it made me look more like a tough man. Alice could not see John in my body, but maybe, just maybe, there was something that she saw for a second.
I was probably just half awake or confused, or maybe the cross with Jesus made me or Alice think of John. Oh, it is not a miracle. It can be explained. But it was sort of a miracle just to me. For the moment I did not think about myself. My only thought was for Alice. I pray she saw a faint reflection in me of John, her wonderful son. Could a lug like me be such a reflection?
When I was ready to leave for college, Alice gave me a hug as she often does. But this time it seemed a little longer and tighter. She said "we love you Frank." And Jack who is not much of a toucher put his arm aound my neck in a fake neck hold and said "Go get em, tiger."
Anna should I leave out the part of the last paragraph beginning with 'When I was ready' Does it hurt the rest. or should I leave it? Frank. Anna I have not (still a little afraid of conjunctions) proofed this well but I will after I hear from you . Does it seem too short? I could add details .
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Frank,
ReplyDeleteFirst, grammar notes. In the second paragraph, third sentence, it would be better to match your verb tenses: either “when he would go out... he always would try to include me” or “when he went out ... he always tried to include me.” And penney should be penny. In the fourth paragraph, “a life long catholic” should have parentheses before and after it. (Wouldn't hurt to capitalize Catholic in your paper, too, and also Baptist.)
In the fifth paragraph, “she ask” should be “she asked”. “Jack ask me” should be “Jack asked me”. In the sixth paragraph, “to get use to it” should be “to get used to it”, and “crosses” should have a comma after it. Incidentally, a cross with Jesus on it is often called a crucifix. In the seventh paragraph, “as her and Jack do every day” should have commas around it. “Sure” should not be capitalized. “I had throw off” should be “I had thrown off”.
In the eighth paragraph, “thought” should be “think”. “who could not carry John's shoes” should have commas around it (did you mean could not fit in John's shoes?) In the ninth paragraph, “did't” should be “didn't”. “reflexion” is spelled “reflection” (both times). In the tenth paragraph, “and Jack who” should be “And Jack who” (capitalize a new sentence, because you put a period at the end of the last one). “aound” is “around”, of course. And the last sentence needs a period.
Other thoughts. I thought the last paragraph was a nice wrap-up for the essay. I thought it flowed pretty well with the details that are in it, but you could try adding details, too, and see if it sounds better. Either way, it's another great paper.
God bless,
Anna
Peggy (Anna) in papers at church book club. Thank you for coming through for me again. The "shoes" comment did not mean shoe size, but means he had more good traits than me. Maybe it is just an expression in our part of the country. I just hope you understand what you mean to me!!
ReplyDeleteI have decided to go to summer school. You think that is alright? Jack and Alice are getting money for me by borrowing against some property they have. But they assure me they want to do this for me. I thought there was a word for a cross with Jesus on it, but could not bring it to mind. I may leave it as I said it so the class will understand. Your friend Frank
Frank,
ReplyDeleteThat make sense about it being a local expression. Here we would say "I couldn't fill their shoes" or "their shoes are too big to fill" or something like that.
I don't really know what more to say about the summer school thing. It's pretty much up to you and Jack and Alice. If, after praying, you feel that that's the right thing to do, then that's what you should do.
And leaving out "crucifix" is probably best. I think it's mostly Catholics that use the word.
God bless,
Anna
Thank you Anna. This will be a big week for me and I hope you can take some pride in helping this 'lug'. You have been with me all the way. Your help has made me maybe a person people might be proud of.
ReplyDeleteI turned in "Word Power" last week and want to see what people say. Tomorrow I will turn in "The Cross". I wish there was some way I could thank you more. Frank
Anna We got our papers back last night and the teachers really liked mine. I've been lucky. They especially liked the idea that words do have meaning and not the oppsite that words don't mean anything, only action or what you do. I turned in "The Cross". It is my best I think if it is not too creepy.
ReplyDeleteThe people at the book club have read a couple of my pieces and would like me to come and talk with them. I just cannot. I am no speaker and I would be teribly embarassed by my life. The professors wife called me and ask me to come but understood I just could not.
Big week for me at church. You will be there despite what you said, in my mind and the minds of Jack, if he can make it, and I bet he does, and Alice and others. Emily is coming and at least 4 of my class members. I hope I don't trip and fall.
Anna off the subject but two things still worry me so much I have a hard time mentioning them. The first is the older women and myself.The details are so bad. The second makes me look small but I hate to mention my mother is waitress. I know I should not care about the waitress thing but I do. It shows I have a long way to go.Up to this time all my papers have been done well before class. but I have nothing ready at this time for next Monday. Frank
Frank,
ReplyDeleteThat's cool that the book club people would like you to come and talk with them, even if you don't feel up to that challenge yet. Eventually, it's good to get to the point where you can talk with people about your life, but that thing doesn't come easy, and there's no need for you to rush it. (Actually that kind of reminds me about what I wrote about on my own blog, here.)
As for the older woman thing, I still think you will feel better after you confess whichever details are bothering you. The priest is not likely to be as freaked out as you think. God offers forgiveness to Hitler and Stalin, who murdered thousands of people. He offered forgiveness to Judas, who betrayed Him, even if Judas didn't accept that forgiveness. You know what the worst thing anyone has ever done is? They killed the Son of the Most High. And Jesus forgave them, even while he was being tortured to death on the cross (Luke 23:34). If God can forgive even THAT, don't you think it's pretty easy for him to forgive you for what you've done?
And, once again, let me point out that God's opinion of you is the only one that matters. We can be glad when people treat us well (and I'm pretty sure the priest is not going to look down on you for what you've done), but we should never put our faith in other people. Our faith is in Jesus, not in the priests or anyone else.
It might also help if you remember that the priest you are confessing to is a sinner, too. You don't happen to know what they are - they could be mostly minor sins, or they could be terrible sins that would blow your mind. Either way, he is not so holy that he has some right to look down on you for your sin.
As for your mother, maybe it would help to think of it this way. You remember your story about being a hero from nowhere? You were afraid that you really were just a nothing, that that was your true self. But I, and Jack and Alice, have been telling you that you're not - that God doesn't make trash, that you're something special. Now try to think of your mom in the same way - see HER glory, the way we've been trying to help you see yours. Sure, she's a waitress on the outside. But on the inside, she's a Princess, a daughter of our King. Waitressing is just what she does, it isn't who she is. And it's a good job, too. Here's a quote, from Mark 10:42-45
Jesus called them together and said, "You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
This is what your mom is doing - she's serving others. Serving others is exactly what God calls us all to do; not only is it not something to be ashamed of, but it is something to recognize as important in the kingdom of God.
As for more paper topics... maybe after Saturday you will want to write a paper on becoming Catholic at the Easter Vigil? Or maybe now you could write a paper about how you are feeling about it right now. Or you could write a paper about your mom, just in general; you haven't spoken about her as much as about other people in your life. Or maybe you could write about Emily?
God bless,
Anna
Anna you always pick me up. I guess you and Jack disagree on some things but you are both so kind.The time you spend on me and just how right your advice is makes me want to do better. I hope years, years from now you will remember what you did for me and how you play such a big part in keeping me going. Just one request. I am not big on bible verses but it says somewhere about not hiding your light under a basket. If others knew what you did for another would that not be good? Frank your friend.
ReplyDeleteFrank,
ReplyDeleteI think the light on a hilltop verse is about not being scared to do the good that you can do. I'm already letting my light shine just by helping you. When it comes to doing things to be seen by others, Jesus says that if you are recognized on earth, then you have already recieved your reward; those who do good in secret will receive a reward in heaven (Matthew 6:1-4).
But there are also saints, who we have to be examples for others; being an example to others is a good thing too, it just isn't what we should primarily be seeking.
You said you already emailed my bishop anyways; who else did you want to tell?
Incidentally, if there's ever a verse that you're thinking of that you want to find, there's a website that has a good search engine. http://biblegateway.com Type in words that you think are in the verse, and it will try to find matches. You can set it to search just the gospels, or just a particular book, or just the Old Testament, etc. (To do that, click on Keyword Search). I use this all the time, because I'm not very good at remembering all the verses to go with the messages.
God bless,
Anna
Anna I have never done this but I have to disagree with your last comment. In my opinion, which is probably not good when some one does what you have done others should know because it might encourage them to do something good. Did your archbishop receive the note? I hope so. Your friend Frank
ReplyDeleteFrank,
ReplyDeleteI don't know if the archbishop received your note. I don't really know anything about how emails to the archbishop are handled in general. How did you find his email address anyhow?
Do you want to write him again? Or is there someone else you want to tell?
God bless, and enjoy your sacraments tomorrow! :)
Anna
Anna the archbishop does not have an email address. We sent it to a person on his staff that does have a email address. I looked under diocese of Portland. I am going to try again tomorrow. We had a little walk through today. Everybody calls me kid. Maybe years from now I will wish I could get that name back.:) Frank
ReplyDelete