Master of his fate.

Jack and Alice's real son was named John. He was completely different from me. John had no interest in athletics, except an occasional game of handball. He was short and slight of build. He was an excellent student, as opposed to my shabby record.

But he was the world's nicest guy. He was always a gentleman, treating every person as if they were really important. John was several years older than me, but when he went places with his friends he always tried to include me. He had both a bachelor and masters a degrees. He was the youngest city manager in our state. But he hated the work, having to listen to endless gripes about sewer service, chug holes and all the things people can complain about.

So he quit that work and returned to his home city to help manage a book store. He loved that work, although he always tried to put on a business face.

About 9 years ago doctors told him he had the beginnings of cancer. They put him on a strong medicine. The medicine made him so sick he could not work, plus the medicine cost 1200 dollars a month. Jack and Alice wanted to pay for the drug but John said "no." He asked the doctor how long he could live. The doctor said maybe ten years without the medicine. John stopped the medicine. He told his friends, as a joke, that he wanted to get sick on Monday and die on Wednesday. Well that happened, except it was Tuesday and Thursday. He was very close to Alice, but not so close to Jack. John liked to have friendly discussions with Jack but sometimes they would become heated. But they were still close in their way.

Alice and John went to NYC for a couple of weeks, and he died within 2 weeks of his return. His funeral was at a Catholic church even though he never went to church after he grew up. The priests asked no questions. I was a young kid at the funeral and I was amazed. I thought John just had a small circle of friends. But the large church was filled. There were fellow employees, of course, but also young people on drugs who John had helped. There was also a young man who had been sexually abused by a bishop's assistant, and poor people who he had helped. The most amazing person was a teenage girl who for years had never spoken. There was an exception;she would talk to John. Since then Jack and Alice have run across many people who tell of John's kindness. How he gave almost every penny he had to others, how he helped the sick. He always drove an old car and spent almost nothing on himself.

Jack is sick over not really knowing his son, and Alice is still very sad. I think she takes such good care of me because she misses John so much.I can never replace him, but maybe in my little way she can see a small part of a son.

On the funeral program Jack put a quote from an English poet named John Milton. I'm not sure what it means, but I think I get the point.

"For Lycidas is dead, dead ere his prime
Young Lycidas,and hath not left his peer.
So lycidas sunk low, but mounted high,
Through the dear might of Him who walked the waves."

Dear God, let this be true. In Jesus name.