From Lorry Driver to 'Prophet.'

There's this curate in England who is finding saving souls a bit of a drag. He wants more money. I can tell him how to hit it big, but he won't let me on his blog. I know the curate and his gang(losers mostly, but not all) come here at times. so out of my Christian charity I'm going to tell him how to make it big.

Let's start with the problem. The curate gives pretty good sermons, but they don't really "hit" you. They're a bit dry, but the gang loves them. As far as I can tell, no one has been struck by the "spirit" because of his sermons. So first he needs to "jazz up" these sermons.

You say how? All the really successful preachers, from Donne to Wesley to Billy Sunday to today's TV evangelistic preachers have their story. AND YES, this poor curate has a story. Sure does!! He was once a lorry driver just for starters. The lorry driving priest. Okay, just a starter. But it gets your attention. Then he had some kind of mental breakdown and was in an asylum(or hospital) for months or years or something. Hey, getting interesting, don't you think!! From the straight jacket to the altar. Now he is really going. And get this: his runs the foulest mouth blog to be found!!Well, a little titallation(get it) always helps. Now on top of this, he hates the Church he works for!!

Okay, he gets his gang to set up a TV talk show with his gang members as guests. The gang members have enough crazy stories to put Ophra to shame!! And he's on his way. Flooded by requests for speaking engagements.

Now you think this won't work. Look at a guy named Father J... He is literally worshipped by many because he has a STORY. He stole cars, was into drugs, apparently homeless for a while. So what did it get for Father J... Well, many Anglicans seem to think he has almost divine wisdom. Hundreds(okay, maybe 50--but that's a big number in Angliland) are looking to him to find the way out of the desert.

So mr. curate, get off your duff and hit the airwaves. Ask your members to send you "faith gifts" for your mission. Just make up a mission; tithe to the "missions" and keep 90 percent for yourself. Hell, you've beged for money before to support yourself.

Listen father, you've got everything going your way. Don't blow it.