Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Christmass
Probaly no one will see this but I will post it anyway, Christmass was wonderful. Little Jack was great in the kids pagant at the 4 o-clock mass. we all went. Okay laugh but I got my hand on the head blessing which means something to me. Everyone got great presents and I did to. Emilly sent me a beautiful sweater with a note "Sanday, from the first day I met you I MORE than liked you." I wish I was smart to think of that. She called and talked to all of us. Her dad got on the phone and said hi to all of us. He is bringing her back to school in a day or two. He seems so nice. He ask me if he should call me Frank or Sandy. He was very nice to me. Maybe he doesn't know about me or maybe he does and still can like me. I sure hope so. Anna if you see this could you comment on the lost sheep story. Could I be that lost sheep. Frank
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Frank,
ReplyDeleteOf course you can be that lost sheep! Anyone who ever strays away from Jesus, he seeks and seeks until he finds. He loves you, and he doesn't intend to let you go without doing everything he can to bring you into him, fully.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and God bless.
Anna
Anna. You are the greatest. But the story does not say the lost sheep had done bad things. But you say it includes guys like me. I am going to take your word. Maybe I have been found. I heard that story when I was baptist but I thought it only applied to good people who lost their{?} way. You must think I am dumb. Frank
ReplyDeleteFrank,
ReplyDeleteYou ARE a good person who lost his way. Whatever would make you think otherwise?
Why do you think that there's a difference between a good person who has lost their way and a person who has done bad things? Everyone started out good, belonging to His flock, because God made us that way. Doing bad things is just one way of losing sight of Him, getting lost. God wants to track down and bring back to him every single person on this planet, from the Mother Theresas to the Hitlers to the guy that picks up the trash. We may think of some people as good and others as not worth God's effort, but he looks at us and sees every one of us as hidden treasures.
I don't think you're dumb. I think you've had a combination of some bad theology (like the emphasis on clean living that you mentioned before) plus some personal stuff (like your scarlet scars) that have convinced you that you're a worthless person in the eyes of God. But that's just what the devil wants you to think. He's called the Accuser because he accuses us of being rotten, dirty scum. If we let ourselves believe that (and most of do, at some point in time or another), then we give up hoping and trusting in God, and the Devil has won a victory over us.
If we tell God, "I am not worthy of your love", that's meaningless to him. He doesn't recognize the words; He just wants us to let Him love us.
If you want to know more about the story of the lost sheep, you might try reading it again. (Which you can do by clicking here.) Jesus is having dinner with sinners: the tax collectors who everyone knew cheated in their work to take money for their own pockets, and other people with really bad reputations (think prostitutes, thieves, adulterers, maybe even some murderers). Jesus was preaching the gospel to them and treating them as human beings. Some of the people who thought of themselves as "good" people didn't think Jesus ought to associate with such people, that he ought to stay away from them because they were sinners.
So Jesus tells them this parable about the sheep. And then, at the end, he says something that would have been very difficult for the people who thought of themselves as "good" to hear. He says: "I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."
Jesus was telling the "good" people that they were wrong to want him to stay away from the sinners. He was telling of the indescribable joy that the Most High gets out of saving sinners, telling of how important it is to Him.
Have you ever read St. Paul's conversion story? He's done worse things than you; he actually helped kill Christians. But God sought out that lost sheep, too, and rejoiced when he was brought into His flock.
So yes, no matter what you have ever done, no matter what you will ever do in the future, God will definitely rejoice if you repent and turn back to him.
God bless,
Anna
Anna. I think I am begining to see. But how can Jesus forgive me for what I let the older woman do to me. Will I all ways feel so bad when I think of that. A 18 year old and a women in her mid thirties. I know it makes people sick but it was my fault too[?}. Would any person love me if they knew that thing. Some place I've heard of a sin that cannot be forgiven. Could that be it. You say I am not trash but only a trash kid would let that happen to him. You give me hope. Maybe I am not a thug.I let Jack put up that picture for a while but honest don't I look like small town thug. Frank
ReplyDeleteAnna. Alice is so busy and my rcia class is not the place to tell things. My baptist preacher when he heard of my reputation said You are scum and always will be scum. You are making me feel like I might not be. Thanks very much. Frank
ReplyDeleteFrank,
ReplyDeleteDo you know what one of the worst things someone has ever done is? They put Jesus, Son of the Most High, the one through whom all of them came into existence, to death. Jesus, greater than any mere human, Yahweh himself incarnate, came to earth to save us. And a couple of Roman soldiers nailed him to a cross to kill him. If there's anyone that's done something that ought to be unforgiveable, don't you think that's one of them? But Jesus said: "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34) If Jesus can forgive *THAT*, don't you think he will find it much easier to forgive you, even for the woman in her mid-thirties?
Yes, there is an unforgiveable sin. The unforgiveable sin is refusing to ever turn back to God, no matter how many times He calls you. It's like God is standing in front of you, offering you a present: Himself, including his forgiveness. He offers you this gift every moment of your life. If you sin, then he's still there the next moment, offering you more of Himself, including more of his forgiveness. As long as you are alive, you have the opportunity to welcome that gift from him. The unforgiveable sin is like turning your back on him, crossing your arms across your chest so that you can't take his gift, and never turning back around.
If you turn your back on him one moment, but then repent and turn back to him later on, then you can still receive Him and his forgiveness. But he can't forgive you if you never let yourself accept his forgiveness.
Sometimes it's easier to forgive other people than it is to forgive ourselves. Forgiving yourself for what you let the older woman do may be hard, but it's important to come to terms with it eventually. The best thing, I think, is to go to confession and confess it to the priest. I know you don't want to admit it to people, but confessing it out loud to another real human being can be very powerful just by itself. And the power of the sacrament goes beyond just forgiveness: it offers healing. So when you get to the point in your RCIA process (probably just a little before you get received into the Church) where they want you to go to confession, do it and confess this thing, too. It'll be worth it, no matter how hard it is.
I want to give you a link to a story that one woman told about her first confession. It's very good, and parts of it might help you. The first part is here. And here is Part II. She doesn't call it part three, but she later writes this bit about confession here which I think is also good.
You said:
"You say I am not trash but only a trash kid would let that happen to him."
There are no trash kids, Frank. It's not something a trash kid would let happen to him. It's something a good kid would let happen to him, if he's believed the lie that he is a trash kid.
The baptist preacher that told you you were scum is dead wrong. It pisses me off that someone, especially a Christian, would tell anyone that. (Although even he, the preacher, should be forgiven).
Once I read that you thought you look like a thug, then I did think you looked a little like a thug, in a funny kind of way. It's the kind of thing I might tease someone about, if I knew they wouldn't be offended. :)
Fortunately, you're not a thug, and the worst photo in the world can't make you actually *be* one. :) If you want to know who you really are, deep inside, ask God. He made you, he knows you better than a photo, better than the baptist preacher. Heck, even Jack and Alice know you better than the preacher, I think. And they still think you're a wonderful guy. So trust their judgement, and God's, over the preacher's.
God bless,
Anna
Jackjoe
ReplyDeleteI sometimes remember the really stupid and bad things I did, and was afraid I could never live it down or be forgiven.
Know what, the only persons who remember them now are me and God, and God has forgiven. Accept God’s forgiveness, learn but don’t dwell on what happened. Let God take you forward.
Whats the song?
“Amazing Grace . . .that saved a wretch like me.”
If Gods grace can save a wretch like me, it can make you fly.
I ask Alice to write something for me. But she said try to write it youself.So I will try. I am very happy that some others out there care for me. Anna that priest who puts his hand on my head and says God loves you, will he always think of my bad things when he sees me.
ReplyDeleteI am almost sure god/jesus loves me thanks Anna and Frank but also I want people to love me. Jack and Alice took me to a councillor and he said I wanted love but not the kind I had been having, thaat was not really love for me now. When Alice or Jack pull my bare foot in the morning it makes me think people like me as a person. When the priest blesses me I think he sees me as a nice person. When I was sick and Alice changed my t-shirt and my pajamas pants that made me feel someone could like me without thinking bad things. I was not ashamed.That is what I want people to like me for myself. My parents are asahamed of me. and that hurts but I think others may not be asamed of me. I still am a young man and Emily likes me I think and I like her in a little different way. Will I disgust her if she finds out?
I use the blogs because no one from my past would ever look here. Anna do I really look like a thug? I wear my hair shorter. Both of you please hang around to help me and to help Alice and Jack too {?} because he can just write short things now. Emiliy dad is coming tomorow so wish me the best. Thanks friends. Frank
Frank,
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing, Frank. People are not completely reliable. We fail to love each other as we should all the time. The best people can come close to unconditional love, and the worst people may never even remotely resemble any sort of love at all. But only God is 100% reliable. Only he deserves to have us place our complete trust in him.
So maybe your priest thinks of your past every time he sees you. I highly doubt it, though. And maybe Emily will stop liking you when she finds out about your past. I didn't stop liking my husband, so don't assume Emily will, either. But here's the thing – if either of them stop liking you because of what you did in the past, that's a failure on their part. Just like it's a failure on the part of your parents to let shame get in the way of your relationship, instead of offering you their love more unconditionally. It's not because there's something wrong about you that has ever or will ever make someone not like you. It's something people choose to do. You can make it easier for people to like you by being the best person you can be, to repent of your sins and try your best to do better, but even that is no guarantee. Heck, Jesus was perfect, and some people hated him.
So keep doing your best, and put your trust in God as much as you can. Pray that Emily will keep liking you, since that is what you want. And believe that you are someone likeable, because you are.
As for looking like a thug, I gotta laugh. What does a thug look like? Describe a thug for me, and I'll tell you whether or not you look like one. :) To me, you mostly just look like a young guy.
God bless,
Anna
Anna. You are so helpful in tough times. A thug has kind of beedy eyes, a kind of set cruel month. kind of slopy looking. That what I kind of see, but maybe my bad image of myself makes me see that.
ReplyDeleteLater I will tell you something about my biggest shame. I was doing some yard work and the women ask if a wanted a coke. I said yes. Then she ask if she could do something bad to me. I said yes. So it was my fault too. But the details are worse than you can imagine. I can not even tell Jack.I just cannot tell the details. No one who heard them would never think I am not a scum bag , it is worse than any dirty book. Can not I tell the priest I had a meeting with an older women than me. Would that be enough. Please do not cut me off. Emilys dad comes tomorrow and I am going to do my best. I know you will pray for me. These are good times. The paper, Emily, a person to listen to me. That is you. Jack and Alice do help me so much, but I even hide some things from them. I know they will always love me but I do not want to disappoint them with this terrible story. May be I am wrong but I think the priest would be disgusted. I need your advice.They will see this and I will tell you what happens. Frank
Frank,
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't particularly describe your eyes as beady, and I definitely did NOT think there was anything cruel about the set of your mouth. I didn't think you looked sloppy, either, so if all that is your idea of a thug, then, no, you don't look like a thug. What I saw was hair cut in a popular guy's style, a wide neck that suggests a largish build, which would make a lot of sense with you being a football player, and a facial expression that looks like you want to roll your eyes at whoever is taking your picture. Actually, now that I think about it, your picture reminds me of one of my brothers.
As for the dirty things you have done, it's good to feel some shame and guilt when you have done something bad. But the purpose of shame and guilt are to get us to turn back towards God. It sounds to me like, instead of helping you just turn more to God, your shame is festering inside you, making you hide from everyone. (It reminds me of the story of Adam and Eve, where, after they ate the fruit, Adam and Eve hid from God in shame.) The cure for that is to bring it out in the open (at least somewhat), and let God offer you his forgiveness and healing.
So yes, I think you should confess it. (To a priest). You don't absolutely have to give every detail: you can just say what kind of sin it was, if you want. But maybe it would be good for you to tell the priest whichever detail or details it is that most bother you, to help you get it off your chest.
Something that might help you is, sometime when you are all by yourself and you are sure no one can hear you, try saying out loud what you did. Practice saying it; and especially say it to God, out loud. If you can do that, that will be a good step forward and might make it easier to confess it later on.
Another thing that might make it a lot easier to confess is if you confess to a priest who is not a priest you will ever see again. Maybe some day drive to a parish that is a half-hour or hour's drive away and confess to the priest there (call ahead of time to know when they normally hear confessions, or else schedule one). Oh, and don't assume that the priest has never heard worse things.
It doesn't matter how shameful or awful a deed it was; God is eager to forgive you for it and to restore you to what you are meant to be.
Good luck with Emily's dad tomorrow.
God bless,
Anna
Anna. As I have found out you are very wise. Right now I think I will use the priest at the church. There is a name for what happened, I will use that word and not give every last detail but will tell enough so he will get the picture. Jack told me the word and you say the priest probably will not think too much less of me. Emily and her dad should be here in a couple of hours. I can hardley wait although a little afraid. Jack erased the picture. Will let you know as soon as possible about the visit. I also want to say I hope I not taking too much of your time. You are very generous.I could have told Jack all the details of the incident, but he understands. I will pray for courage. I read all your places you point out. They are helpful. Your friend, Frank
ReplyDeleteanna, alice here. frank and emily are showing her dad around. her dad really likes frank. he agrees 100% that frank needs to be allowed to be a 'boy' not a man a little longer. a strong body, athletic ability sometimes makes people think you are a man when you are not ready for that.his only concern is physical; he feels the whippings might have done some harm to parts of his body. emily's father is going to take him to a doctor monday for a head to toe check-up. emily's father suggests we let him to the blogging for a while. jack is great but can be a bit complicated for frank. he saw some of your comments and says frank is very lucky to have a friend to give him some time. i will close and let frank pick it up from here, probably this evening. of course, you know what your advice means to frank. god bless you. alice.
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ReplyDeleteAnna I just have a few minutes but want to tell what has happened so far. Some way Emilys father knew some things about me. He ask to see my scars. We went to a bedroom and he checked me over. He was suprised over my scars, especially two by my neck and a couple near a place I can't mention. He said as grown up as I thought I was I had been abused when I was younger. But the good news is he said I had great support from Jack, Alice, you and maybe a couple of others on the internet. He knows some about my past but said he had no fear of his girl going out with me. He is a unitaran but said catholics were really good at helping others. They are coming back now so I will close. More later I will tell. Frank
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