As opposed to catholic tradition, which one of my critics seems to imply that as a 2 week catholic I can not speak to catholic issues, I intend to expound on the church and s-x in a few posts.
Today's topic is on the s-x contract which I believe is a more adequate name for the marriage contract. This s-x contract as celebrated in most churches is the permission of the church celebrating the ceremony for two poeple to engage in s-x acts or indeed to allow s-x thoughts. Strike s-x thoughts or actions and substitute "unitive" acts or "possibly procreative acts." 5 young men sit at a wedding and, with various degress of envy, realize their best friend is now free, within limits, of course, to engage in acts and thoughts that they are forbidden to do and have. Their married friend has joy. The others have only cold showers to look forward to.
For example, and as a catholic I would advise thusly: should they see a commercial movie at their girl friends that shows a little 'love making' they should say,"Pardon me dear, I need to take a cold shower." As they leave that evening they should tape their months shut in case a 'good night' kiss trigger lust.
For married couples I suggest the following changes in vocabulary. Substitute "Let's have a little unity tonight" rather than crude alternatives. All good christians should carry a "cold shower bag" around their waists should they see an attractive member of the opposite sex on the street, such bag to be activated by a small battery carried in the armpit.
The words "s-exual organs" should be banned and be replaced with "unity organs" or "possibly procreative organs." Possibly "reproductive organs" could still be allowed if
the person can submit an affadavit that he gets no pleasure, only unity feelings, from s-x.
All catholic elementary kids should be taught never, and I mean NEVER, to touch their unity organs even in bathing in the remote chance it might spark a thought which would bar them from ever being elected pope. Possibly an exception for girls for obvious reasons.
One final suggestion at this time. Disconnect your hot water heater so only cold showers are possible. A bit extreme, but we can never be too careful. Jack