The Baptist---ON the MARGIN

Some might quibble about putting the Baptist in the "up to the top" category. Granted, they barely make it but they have some good going for them. BTW, here we deal with the Southern Baptist Convention, far and away the voice of Baptistry.

First, they believe pentecost came only once so you don't have to worry about the person next to you in the pew being 'struck by the Holy Spirit and falling, drooling, on your new Sunday outfit.

Second, if you go to a large Baptist church---say over 1000 members---the preacher will probably have a theology degree, even a doctorate, and thus will not be overly ignorant.

Third, again staying with the 1000 plus member church, the exterior of the church building will probably be in good taste, well, at least, not an eyesore. The interior could be a different matter; so check it out.

Fourth, if you're in the South(USA) your fellow members will probably be literate and have responsible jobs in the community. Oh, and the music will be not terribly offensive.

Fifth, they are easy to join.No "inquirers" class, no long visits with the pasture(not a sic). You just walk down the aisle, say "I accept Jesus as my personal savior," and a week later get waterboarded...and that's it.

As an extra bonus, the Baptist believe in the "eternal security of the believer" commonly called once saved always saved. And if you do rape the lady next door---well, you really WERN'T saved at all. So you just 'rededicate' yourself.

The Baptist used to pride themselves on not having any creeds. They called it "soul competency." But then the Texas Baptist preachers came a few decades ago and now you have the preachers being expelled for heresy.

And, of course, today the Roman Catholics and the Southern Baptist are in a tooth and nail battle over who gets to be the religious arm of the Republican Party. But in you just want to go to Church and not get involved in anything "liberal", this denomination may be for you.

Now a tip for your daughter if she wants to marry into this group. Try, if at all possible,to join the First Baptist Church of(whatever your town/city is called). It does add a bit of social prestige.

Hey, I forgot the ethics bit. Just two for the Baptist: Don't drink booze and don't dance if your body touches your partner. Not bad, eh.