Roman Catholics. THE BIG SLIDE

This is hard. It's my OWN religion. I thought about doing this in two parts--clergy and laity--but decided not after B16 announced that the laity were nothing. Yes, if the priest and God are EVERYTHING where does that leave the rest of us. WE ARE NOTHING. His quote: "Next to God, the priest is everything." So stop quibbling!!! So I'll spend a little time on the laity, but start with the clergy.

Roman Catholicism is unique in several ways:

One, the clergy makes up the single largest collections of gays in the world. Nothing really wrong with this, but they are all in a closet. It's so crowded in there, their dresses are beginning to show out the bottom of the closet door.

Two. As I wrote above, it is the only religion in which the laity have NO say.

Three. It is the only religion whose one and only cause today is to stamp out sex.

Four. It is the only religion in the world where the laity, well, most of them. don't pay any attention to the clergy's dictates.

This anti-sex church can be rather harsh. If you are a teen age boy and you think of your girlfriend and your 'private' expands even one hundreth of an inch---it's off to hell. And if a girl dreams of seeing her boyfriend without a shirt on---it's off to hell.

But let's not be too negative. The church buildings are the greatest; the music and art heritage is without peer. They used to have a real strong social ethic, but that's gone now to only one teaching---SEX IS BAD.

And there's something for everyone. If you dig pre-adolescent girls seeing ladies in blue, and springs of water emerging---well, we have it. If you like monks who can fly and be in two places at one time, check out Padre Pio. If you like weeping statues, the Virgin Mary on your patio door(she was on my office door---really!!!) then come join us.

It breaks my heart to think my religion, my family's religion has dropped in the ranking so far since my last survey a decade ago. But listen, I don't worry. The church has great schools , great football, some of the fanciest costumes you'll ever see and----WE ARE A BILLION STRONG. So take that!!

Now if your daughter is going to marry into this religion. you have just one worry. She may be an octomom(sp?) within 6 years and wind up with 16 offspring. But don't worry that's just in theory. Her husband, catholic as he may be, is NOT going to throw away his condoms